How Can I Know if My Partner is Addicted to Porn?

Dr. Sandra Shachar, PhD

Addiction is best diagnosed and treated by addiction specialists.  However, there are some warning signs that you or your partner could be on the road to an addiction to pornography.  

Dr. Kevin Skinner, Treating Pornography Addiction (2005), identifies Seven Levels of of Pornography Addiction:

Level One A mild or involvement with pornography, with very limited or a recent first exposure to pornography, whether accidental or intentional.  Individuals at this level rarely think of pornography and rarely, if ever, view it again after the first exposure. 

Level Two A limited exposure to pornography and no compulsive thoughts or sexual activity, but has a growing curiosity about and interest in pornography.  

Level Three  Individuals are on the borderline developing a compulsion with pornography, with viewing porn at least once a month, with failed efforts to resist viewing.  Binging episodes may begin.  When not viewing porn, fantasizing about it becomes more frequent.

Level Four   Noticeable impact of viewing pornography on the person’s life begins, such as ability to focus on work or school, and not engaging emotionally in relationships.  Withdrawal symptoms when abstaining emerge, such as irritability, insomnia and restlessness).  Fantasizing increases and urges become stronger.  Content viewed becomes increasingly “hard core”.  

Level Five The person’s daily life is impacted by increasing time spent weekly viewing and thinking about pornography and sex.  Further diminished capacity to focus on work, social relationships, family, self-care.  Withdrawal symptoms increase in intensity.  The person begins to feel overwhelmed and consumed by the compulsion.

Level Six Daily viewing of porn out of compulsion rather than interest.  Excessive time devoted to finding sufficiently stimulating material.  Lying and covering up activity and materials (usually stored digitally) is habitual.  May have faced negative consequences from discovery (divorce, legal trouble, job loss).  Person feels hopeless and has given up trying to control themselves.  

Level Seven Daily porn viewing, often accompanied by  acting out of sexual fantasies, which may include illegal activity such as prostitutes, public voyeurism or exposure and  child pornography.   The vast majority of time and focus is on satisfying the addiction.  

Significant negative consequences and losses are encountered as the addiction becomes the dominate force and focus in life.  

Skinner notes that these Levels are not discrete categories, rather they form a progressive continuum and are less “black and white” than diagnosing a person as either addicted or not addicted.  Not every one who is first exposed to pornography will progress to addiction, but progression is common and may be gradual enough to escape awareness until it has become problematic.   

Dr. Patrick Carnes identified a set of criteria for diagnosing Pornography Addiction, with a minimum of three of the following present to indicate addiction :

  • Recurrent failure to resist impulses to view Pornography
  • More extensive sessions of viewing or longer than intended
  • Repeated, unsuccessful efforts to stop, reduce or control viewing
  • An inordinate amount of time is spent obtaining or viewing porn, and/or being sexual (masturbation or with others) or spent recovering from sexual experiences
  • Feeling preoccupied with fantasy, sexualized thoughts, planning to view porn
  • Pornography takes significant time away from obligations, such as work or school, domestic life, social commitments
  • Continuing the behavior despite negative consequences
  • Developing tolerance (more frequent or intense porn is needed to achieve desired experience 
  • Deliberately limiting social, occupational, or recreational actives to have time for searching and viewing porn
  • Having withdrawal symptoms when not able to view porn, including: irritability, dizziness, body aches, headaches, sleeplessness, restlessness, anxiety, mood swings, depression 

If you or your partner find that these descriptions fit you, then seeing a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist/CSAT for evaluation and treatment is recommended.   You can locate a CSAT at the website for the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals/IITAP: 

https://iitap.com/search/custom.asp?id=5357


Contact Me Today

LOCATION

Appointment Times

Additional hours may be scheduled by appointment. All appointments are scheduled directly with Dr. Shachar.

Monday:

Closed

Tuesday:

9:00 AM-5:00 PM CST

10:00 AM - 6:00 PM EST

Wednesday:

9:00 AM - 5:00 PM CST

10:00 AM - 6:00 PM EST

Thursday:

9:00 AM - 5:00 PM CST

10:00 AM - 6:00 PM EST

Friday:

9:00 AM - 3:00 PM CST

10:00 AM - 4:00 PM EST

Saturday:

Closed

Sunday:

Closed